During a recent conversation with Amara, the topic of feeling invisible versus hypervisible became our focal point. It is a topic that I wade through as I watch Amara and Kai navigate the world and people around them, and it’s a thread in our children’s book Multicolored Monono.

Feeling invisible or unseen comes from big moments of intentional exclusion, but can also be experienced in quieter ways. It is felt when no one shows interest in you or someone minimizes what you’re trying to share or express. It is the deflated feeling that occurs when assumptions lead an interaction instead of curiosity. It is the frustration that develops when others see a gap or difference that can be bridged, but no one tries. And it occurs when “culture vultures” appropriate something of value without considering its significance to others.

Feeling hypervisible or spotlighted can be just as isolating. It is stressful to carry the weight of unwelcome attention or to be subjected to suspicion and scrutiny that is not directed equally towards others. It also occurs when a heightened focus is placed on differences and strangeness, accompanied by awkward comments and insensitive questions. And it obviously surfaces in situations of bias, tokenism and white guilt.

I’ve witnessed my children experiencing these situations in their classrooms, at restaurants, on vacation, and while running errands. It happens among strangers as well as teachers, friends, and family. I know I haven’t always been quick enough at detecting or deflecting it, because it can be so subtle and shifting. It can also result from good intentions creating unintended negative impacts. Or it can result from clear and unapologetic prejudice that seems to be emboldened in our current national environment.

In all cases, my children aren’t being seen for who they are. They are being seen through a filter that is out of their control.

Consider the weight of that… the daily weight of that. Trying to show up in a world full of dissection and dismissiveness.